Saturday, March 5, 2011

Changing Everything

"Once in a lifetime, we meet someone who changes EVERYTHING."

Dear Luke,

The other day I was contemplating who in my life I would say has changed "everything".

Hm, there's my mom, of course. Without her I would not even exist. Then there's my dad who worked hand-in-hand (literally) with my mom to teach me the value of hard work, the joy in serving others, and above all, to love God.

Then there's my amazing husband. I wouldn't say that I changed after we got married. I was still the same person essentially - just better. I know I'm running the risk of sounding cliche, but he completed me.

There's also each of my children. When Halle was born, a whole new side of me was discovered - that motherly instinct and that ability to love unconditionally. When Sam was born a more spiritual side of me was opened up. My belief in miracles (ones that could happen to me and not just in the scriptures or to others around me) was solidified.

As much as all of these people and experiences have shaped and molded who I am, you are the one who has changed EVERYTHING, Luke. I am often baffled how such a tiny little boy - weighing just under 2 pounds - who never even took a breath of life, could make such a profound impact on the way I see everything.

My perspective on life is different. I cherish each moment with my family more. I try to live fully in each moment, not wanting to forget one sound, smell, or feeling.

I embrace my emotions more and apologize less for letting others see me cry. There is nothing more powerful in this life than sharing our emotions - including our heartaches and sorrows - with others. Nothing forms stronger relationships than sharing, not only the good, but also the bad with others. And it is our relationships that make life so meaningful.

I am able to prioritize what really matters in life now. When I write out my to-do list each morning I ask Halle what it is she wants to do that day and add that to the top of my list. I have made a habit of reading my scriptures each day rather than just doing it when I remember and if I have time. My prayers to Heavenly Father are more earnest and sincere rather than quickly muttered pleas before the kids come bounding in my room to interrupt me.

Oh, I could go on and on all day over all the things that have changed because of you. Your influence reaches into the very smallest of places, the most minute details of my life. I am often surprised when I look in the mirror and see that the face looking back at me is the same one from six months ago. How can that be when everything about the inside of me has changed?

Let it be known that I think the changes (except for some all-too-normal-for-this-situation anxiety issues) are for the better.

And now, a few quotes from my favorite children's book:

On the Night You Were Born
by Nancy Tillman

"On the night you were born...
the night wind whispered,
'Life will never be the same.'

Because there had never been anyone like you...
ever in the world.

For never before in story or rhyme
(not even once upon a time)
has the world ever known a you, my friend,
and it never will,
not ever again..."

I love you, Luke. Thank you for your profound impact on me. I am eternally different - better - because of you! Truly, "life will never be the same" and I thank God for that. I thank God for you.


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