Thursday, January 27, 2011

Songs Say it Better Than I Ever Could...

Dear Luke,

Did I tell you I have an iPod? Oh, really? I did? Well, too bad, because I'm going to rant and rave about it a little more.

The other day I was listening to some hymns while doing some house work. It's amazing how calming and peaceful cleaning out a fridge can be while listening to good music.

I thought of my sister-in-law (your aunt whom you most likely already know and are well acquainted with), Stephanie, when "There is Sunshine in My Soul Today" began to play. When Stephanie was just three years old she got very sick and stopped breathing. It was minutes before she started again and suffered severe brain damage. My mother-in-law says she used to sing this song to her because she loved the words "And Jesus listening can hear the songs I cannot sing." Stephanie could not talk. She could only express herself through laughing and crying. But my mother-in-law knew that someone could hear her. Our Heavenly Father was very aware of Stephanie and the earthly family that loved her. I cannot hear this song without thinking of Stephanie and feeling anxious for the day that I will get to meet her and talk with her.

Next I heard "Nearer, My God, to Thee." As I listened, I watched my kids sitting at the computer together. Halle was playing on and making stories for her and Sam to listen to. My mind instantly went back to last January. We were desperately wanting another baby. I yearned for one. Whenever I watched my two kids playing together, I got that overwhelming feeling that someone was missing. Now here we are, one year later, and nothing seems to have changed. Sure, Sam's a little taller (but hasn't gained one measly pound) and has a mouth full of teeth. He also talks up a storm, whereas last year at this time he could only say half a dozen words. Halle's gotten taller too. Lots taller. And she's definitely not a toddler anymore, but a little girl. But otherwise, to an innocent bystander, everything seems to be the same as last year, as though time has stopped for us.

But in reality, EVERYTHING has changed. As I looked at my two kids sitting at the computer I no longer feel as though someone is missing. I know you are not here physically, but you are a part of our family. We are complete now. And we have a much stronger love for God than ever before. I feel we truly are nearer to Him because of you.

"Nearer, my God, to thee,
Nearer to thee!
E'en though it be a cross
That raiseth me.
Still all my song shall be
Nearer, my God, to thee.
Though like a wanderer,
The sun gone down,
Darkness be over me,
My rest a stone,
Yet in my dreams I'd be
Nearer, my God, to thee.

There let the way appear,
Steps unto heav'n;
All that thou sendest me,
In mercy giv'n;
Angels to beckon me
Nearer, my God, to thee."

Luke, you are the angel who beckons us to Him. Without you, we'd still be yearning for something more. But now we can look at our lives, and though we miss you daily, we feel that life has more meaning. More purpose. We feel whole.

Many nights I sing my absolute favorite hymn to Halle and Sam. I never make it through without crying.

"And when I think
That God, his Son not sparing,
Sent him to die,
I scarce can take it in.
That on the cross
My burden gladly bearing
He bled and died
To take away my sin.

When Christ shall come,
With shout of acclamation,
And take me home,
What joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow
In humble adoration
And there proclaim
'My God, how great thou art!'

Then sings my soul,
My Savior God, to thee,
How great thou art!
How great thou art!"

We truly have a loving Heavenly Father. I see that now, more than ever. And I will prouldy proclaim it to anyone who will listen.

I love you bud!

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